The big story this week was that board-op Erin was going to be consuming a Camo, but a treachery was afoot! Did someone try to sabotage the Sobriety Test drinking game?! Whodunnit! Listen! Find out!
Also enjoy our discussions on shit factories, Webster, Rocky, Khloe The Hutt, cake, syllable fat, #YOLO, munchie cycles, the Ohio river, Ray J, OSHA, Brad Paisley, the end of racism, Django, Wreck it Ralph, In-N-Out, potato wedges, and boners.
On this latest episode of HRR, the crew is back to full strength and ready to tackle the subjects of Mark Sanchez, conjoined twins, Skyfall, Paul Bearer, Macklemore, Indonesians, Drunk Potato Fuckers, small penises, deep voices, mushy faces, breakfast guns, guidance counselors, diabetes, Taco Bell, Manchester United, Jameson, porn, radiators, George Carlin, bouquets, and phone numbers.
Skeleton crew for HRR? No problem! The guys still manage to get some beers in and touch on Seth McFarlane, the Lakers, The Lotus, Jagermeister, Wilma Flintstone getting spanked, Florida prisons, Craigslist, Fuzzy whips. Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs, Phat letters, Letter of discontent, Barack Obama, Charlie Sheen, Super Bowl Commercials, Geico commercials, Beauty and the Beastiality, Pepe Le Pu, Fish with tits, Bud Light cans, Makers Mark, Paraskeeting, and N-Bombs.
For this episode of Hellraiser Radio, we offer our commentary on Dr. Jerry Buss, Heart murmurs, Juno, SoCo Pepper, Mark's death, drunk texting, Sweedish motels, shitty pants, shitstagram, Macrobrews, Starburst, accidental discharge, Green Bay Packers, breast squeezing, manboobs, and we create the hashtag #DoonsNipples.
On the show this go around, we covered Valentine's Day, suicide bombers, Seth MacFarlane, slavery, build your own dildo, kidneys, local breweries, geometric holes, mountain dew, hockey, reddit, anal play, farts, dildos, AJ McCarron, dead babies, Gurren Lagann, The Popemobile, juicers, Dragon Ball Z, and Seton Hall.
This week, we ran down the LAPD, Joe Flacco, Camo Black, Mark's Mom, Cheeseballs, Quantas, Native American terrorists, Inigo montoya, Fantasy Football, Fringe, Spartacus, Breaking Bad, Horse sex, Hey Dude Porn, Les Miserables, Cunt, the NRA, Steve Buscemi, laser eyes, The Fonz, and Chris Brown.
On this week's show, we discussed The Rock, Justin Timberlake, double sucking, Cool ranch, Joe Flacco, Black people, Jesus, Trapped In The Closet, Benny Hinn, The Blob, Steve Buscemi, Sham Wow, Superbowl, Harbaugh, Beyonce, Ray Lewis, Alicia Keys, Faith Hill, Hank Williams Jr, Oprah Winfrey, and Nicolas Cage!
The Emmys, the Grammys, the Tonys, the Slammys, the ESPYs, the Razzies, the Oscars, the Kids' Choice, the Peoples' Choice, the Golden Globes, your parents' love, all are trophies that many aspire to obtain, but very few will ever possess. Until today, there was a gap in the population between the haves and the have nots.
...Until today.
Today we unveil that which equals the king and the peasant, equals the rich and the poor, equals the young and the old, equals the debt and the debtor, equals the tweens with the logical.
Today, we unveil the HELLY AWARDS!
And during this show, we discussed triple deaths, Sleeping with judges, Football, crack whores, Mrs. Brady, hirsute vagina, school shootings, Chris Brown, Republicans, rape, hangovers, Jack Bauer, Lance Armstrong, Handguns, Cavernous Vaginas, charity, intoxication, badassery, senior citizens, and nerds.
It's like Tom Cruise's internet history ain't it?
Like an overentitled piece of shit, Hellraiser Radio is gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had the best album of all time. OF ALL TIME!
Don't you just love when a title has nothing to do with the show you're watching?
This week is not one of those times.
Prehistoric birth canals aside, this week the HRR boys covered Sonoma, Sparta, Lance Armstrong, Manti Te'o, Billboards, Dream girlfriends, Peter Jennings, Drunk puppies, WebMD, 3 Good Questions, Fisting, Stunt cum, White people, Tennessee, The Polish Rocket, Would You Rather, Walter Cronkite, NFL Films, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, immaculate pussies, bathroom abuse, Jurassic Park, AIDS, Big Macs, and Church poop.
As Lindsay Lohan was on the list, we can only assume everything else on topic were things that came out of her disease-ridden yeast gash.
Like an imaginary internet girlfriend, Hellraiser Radio is ready to ruin someone's NFL prospects before they even go to the combine.
January 10th, 2013, we make our triumphant return to the internet airwaves! Will we break the ice with a big announcement? Will we create an earth-cracking bellow of laughter? Will we revolutionize internet radio as we know it??
Or will we talk about Erin masturbating after her grandpa died?
What we did is speak on amateur board ops, the George Foreman grill, Darth Mark, a review of the year that was 2012, Ryan Seacrest, pedophilic russian roulette, imaginary New Yorkers, road head, porn stores, family, a rousing round of Sobriety Test, Justin Bieber, paper cuts, and foreskin.
Those last two should rarely be put together. We are the engineers that managed to do so this time around.
Like a hangover on January 2nd, Hellraiser Radio is way too loud and is best listened to after a shower, a coffee, a greasy breakfast, and a shot.
It went about as well as you would expect a show involving 12% malt liquor to go.
Besides malt liquor, we talked about former fat guys, joking with tragedy, the Westboro Baptist Church, the KKK, cousin-fucking, Honey Boo Boo, Hillbilly porn, Nick Swardsen, Frank "Big Hurt" Thomas, Santa's 'Lil Helpers, Uncle Kracker, midgets, the letter 8, Andre the Giant, USC Quarterbacks, barbecide, ben-wa balls, Bop-It, Mayan apocalypses, and America.
Bop-it and ben-wa balls sounds like one hell of a Christmas.
Like a final goodbye before the apocalypse, Hellraiser Radio kept the party going until the zero hour! (We had no idea we were going to survive, otherwise we'd have taken care to avoid the rockin Saturday hangovers.)
Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Doctor Bob Mafakkas led an elite group of drunks into the suburbs to develop a top secret project, known as QUANTUM SKEET.
...Okay, that's enough nostalgia, unless anyone wants to sing the "Full House" theme song, then we're totally down.
This week, besides making references to delightfully bad shows from the 80s, we discuss James Bond villains, Evanescence, recreational marijuana, finals week, Semen, cookbooks, Abortions, Chik-Fil-A, Irish girl scouts, Latina girlfriends, Oregon Trail, Yes or BS, Coors, Drive-in sex booths, Nads, Sudoku, Abraham Lincoln, Hitler, Quantum Skeet, Sonic Burger, Auschwitz, and independent pussy.
Like inside references to TV dramas starring Scott Bakula, Hellraiser Radio is ready to take it's place as a cult classic and hoping each time, that our next leap will be the leap home.
Occasionally, you raise your glass in congratulations. Sometimes, you raise your glass in rememberance. At times, you raise your glass in well wishes.
Today, we raise a glass because we found a black friend!
Then, very quickly (before anyone realized he was a half-and-half like Obama), we discussed Miller Lite, malfunctions, Double Dare, booze induced blindness, Australia, #RichiesBHole, 50 cent, domestic abuse, amputations, climaxing, simultaneous orgasms, Oscar Pistorius, doggy style, swamp Buddha, Hennessy, Sobriety Test, AVN 2013 nominees, Clever porn titles, and a possible Camo bet!
Honestly, we could have just said "porn" and "camo bet" and you dirty bitches probably would have eaten that shit up.
Like a quarterback in Denver, Hellraiser Radio is ready to buy a bunch of pizza places just before marijuana gets legalized.
This week, Mark owed a Camo bet to John. 3 tallboys of Camo Black Extra X, 12% malt liquor, by the end of the show. He started an hour before, and... well... just listen.
Outside of a completely intoxicated cowboy, we also discuss self-rape, Richie's beard, dick-planets, the cock-ness monster, Movember, R Kelly, the Amish, ovarian cancer, hair-jobs, prostate checks, velcro sex, 3 good questions, craft beers, albinos, Cool Spot, blacksmiths, Bruce Springsteen, hamstrings, Casio, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, oral sex, tampon helicopters, per-red, exorcisms, taintoos, and central time zones.
Shout out to all of our friends in the the flyover states! The TV stations don't care about you, but we do!
Like an impulse trip to Las Vegas, Hellraiser Radio forgot to pack matching socks, but we have plenty of cheap booze to make us feel better about it.
[EDIT: Christ, this is episode 22. We fucked up. We're going to leave this title as is because we're idiots.]
On this long holiday weekend, Hellraiser Radio must insist that NO ONE drink and drive. There are cops everywhere and besides the immediate concern of getting caught, you could seriously hurt, or even kill someone. Just don't fucking do it.
Staying in and drinking though, that's a horse of a different color.
This week, we got our drink on and touched on black friday, Hostess, British quid, chocolate eclairs, bumblebee tuna, cat volcanos, crazy man-things, fapping, Elmo, male periods, underwear peels, shampoo, names for Richie's dick, 3 good questions, double-12-packs, top guy movies, war cinema, Bimbo shit, thanksgiving, chemo therapy, and George Carlin.
We are thankful for beer and all it contributes to our lives.
Like Khloe Kardashian, Hellraiser Radio is ready to continually gorge ourselves and then have the magazines talk about how we're "so brave" and "a new kind of beautiful" (when we know in our hearts that we're really just a sad fat kid)
Recently, it seems like we haven't been living up to our standards. We promise the drunkest hour in entertainment and then only get kinda drunk. Like 6/10. We're barely better than frat boys and soccer moms at a wine tasting if we're only 6/10. That's a D grade in school!
This show, we made sure to correct that little issue.
Also, we talked about time outs, Rex Hudler, pancakes, XBox, Channing Tatum, drunk elephants, moonshine, legal prostitution, Ashley Madison, good horses, Schlitz, race wars, trees, Catholics, women's movies, Dolly Parton, Netflix, Star Wars, Rufio, and whose gay boyfriend was tougher.
Channing Tatum vs Russel Crowe in a steel cage. Someone book it. Now.
Like the Los Angeles Lakers, Hellraiser Radio didn't sign Phil Jackson this week either, but for some reason, no one's ragining about it quite as hard.
Camo Black Extra X is 12% malt liquor. It tastes like utter shit. And we decided to "celebrate" the election by drinking it. Because we are fucking stupid.
Aside from being completely ruined on cheap malt liquor, we also discuss going deep, Tara Reid's nipples, Gordon Ramsay, chaw, Mitt Romney, Lysol, Air Force One, cumshots, Toronto Blue Jays, ADHD, the end of the world, minimum wage, Puerto Rican slaves, 3 good questions, Al Pacino, porn condoms, Pokemon, and Seinfeld.
Like a mormon going back to Utah, Hellraiser Radio is not the president, but we tried really hard and we're going to console ourselves with money and sex.
This All-Saints Day. Hellraiser Radio decided to get in touch with our spiritual side and reflect on those who have passed and thus come to terms with our own mortality and legacies thereafter.
Nah, just kidding, we got fucked up and wound up making jokes about Hurricane Sandy.
On this lovely Dia De Los Muertos, we discussed Nyquil, hammers, tribute bands, pirate Booty, the return of the J.O. bandit, leftover Chinese food, Taco Bell, red dragons, cuddling, naps, staring, slapping, currency conversion, circus seals, lobsters, toothpicks, fat girl hips, Betty Boop, Tombstone pizza, graveyard humping, deathbed porn, sand dollars, The Sword in The Stone, Grandma Nichols, stone buttholes, Tony Cock, widows, Hurricane Sandy, Halloween, mis-aligned Segways, and suspended driver's licenses.
The last two were all Mark. Not even sure you can drive a Segway without a license. Won't stop him. Shine on you crazy diamond!
Like a New Englander without electricity, Hellraiser Radio amuses outselves the best we can until the charge on our batteries runs out (Stay safe you looney east coast bastards).
For our last show before Halloween, Hellraiser Radio decided to start the tricks and treats a little early. We had so much fun, we had to continue into the video aftershow and for once, it wasn't an abortion.
Well... it WAS still an abortion, but it was funnier than most of our abortions.
This week, we touch on McDonald's, trick or treating, wonky eyes, Geoffrey Chaucer, worst drunk moments, buckets of piss, GMILFs, scheisse porn, baloney sandwiches, bath salts, Tardis jokes, erotic Captain Planet, shitty Halloween costumes, nice pussies, cultural insensitivity, The Big Boss Man, Togo's sandwiches, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, fat Elvis, and Hitler.
Those last four may all be the same guy, we're not sure.
Like a locked out NHL player, Hellraiser Radio ain't got shit to do but sit around and drink cheap Canadian beer.
As we anxiously await the Halloween holiday (because what fat drunk doesn't like candy?), Hellraiser Radio took some time to ponder the nature of the universe and unravel the mysteries of the human psyche.
Naaaah, just kidding. We got drunk and talked about funny shit.
This week, we cover racism, Rod Stewart, the kumitae, viagra gum, small dicks, big vaginas, iPhones, chest loads, doggy style, chemotherapy, The Voice, playgrounds, shruggers, Trapped in The Closet, Dave Chappelle, canned laughter, poop playdoh, 3 good questions, love advice, Jessica Biel, Russian milk, rainbows, Lady Gaga, the gay agenda, Oprah, Cher, Pepsi cola, Mila Kunis, and pregnant babies
FYI: Jessica Biel likely has herpes. Make sure you figure that in to your masturbatory fantasies.
Like the MLB World Series, Hellraiser Radio is 100% Yankee free, and we like it that way!